OK...so this might be my weirdest post yet...and as over the months it's become evident that others are reading this, and it's not just my journal of my year, some of you may start looking at me oddly after reading this...but here goes.
So it's not the normal way that I start a month; pondering death. But I've been thinking about it quite a bit recently and this weekend as my Grandpa had an operation to literally save his life, and as I read an article in the Guardian's weekend Family section I thought I'd share my ponderings.
Ian Whitwham was writing about the recent death of his father-in-law and how we just don't seem to know how to mourn effectively in our culture today...an interesting read, and a great tribute to his father-in-law. Click here to read it. And I tend to agree with him.
One of the stages of death that I find the hardest, is the time between death and a funeral. There is something about the body of a loved one, being stored somewhere clinical, cold and lifeless, that I really struggle with. I'm sure in the past (and probably currently in other areas of the world), the body would be kept somewhere in the family home, and I kind of like that idea.
I realise that it's just their body and I do believe that their soul has journeyed on, and I feel comfortable in my faith that I'll catch up with them again someday. But they've spent their life taking care of themselves, and as part of my family or community I've also been involved in taking care of them. So to leave them in some storage place, just seems wrong.
I also think that the majority of people look peaceful in death (obviously this is slightly dependent on the manner of death), but I'd kind of like to be able to sit near them and talk out some of my thoughts/feelings about them leaving the rest of us. So I'm not suggesting open caskets, but I don't think I'd be too freaked out by it. And maybe, looking after each other in that final farewell stage, would help us all talk about them and our loss more?
Now admittedly I haven't obviously tried any of this out, as it's just not the done thing. But I have to confess that I've started to wonder if it's the kind of option one can request? Is there a law that dead people have to be stored elsewhere until their burial or cremation?
Wow...so that's quite random to read through and hit 'publish'....but in my year of finding richness in less, I wonder if we might find more richness in facing death a bit more, sharing in it, and having less involvement from people that temporarily hide it away for us. (And sorry...no images with this post...my mind was blank on that one!)
My Grandad's body was brought back to the family home in Derbyshire and was there for at least 24hours before the funeral as is the Polish tradition (at least in the area he was from). He was in an open casket; I was in my early teens and found seeing him really quite cathartic, I found it quite a relief to see how peaceful he looked and at the same time it strongly brought home to me the sense that the body is but a shell and that 'he' in his strongest sense was not there. I know my Grandma also found it incredibly helpful to get opportunity to sit with him and talk to him but it's not for everyone - I know one of my aunts was not a fan of the concept and one of my younger brothers promptly threw up after seeing him!
ReplyDeleteMore recently when my friend's grandfather died, the whole family were actively and creatively involved in planning his funeral and making his coffin. My friend's husband and brother in law made the casket, all the great Grandchildren decorated it (all under age 10) and my friend, her sister and her mother made the lining for it - they said it was a precious time of laughing and crying together whilst sharing memories of him. I thought it sounded great though not sure I possess the appropriate DIY skills!
Now off for a second attempt to get to sleep!...